Taking Care of Aging Parents: A Guide for Families

Summary: Your parents cared for you when you were young, from patching up your scraped knees as a toddler to teaching you invaluable life lessons during your teen years. Now, as they age, you may find the roles reversing. This guide provides practical tips for caring for your aging parent as your family goes through this change.

For most families, knowing when to provide active care for an aging parent isn’t always clear. Your parent may not openly admit they need help, or might not realize their abilities are changing as they age.

Here are some signs that your aging parent needs additional support:

• Difficulty managing finances, paying bills on time, or protecting their personal information.
• Neglecting household maintenance or personal hygiene.
• Struggling with meal preparation or nutrition.
• Missing medical appointments or medication doses.
• Isolation or withdrawal from social activities.
• Noticeable physical changes like weight loss or mobility issues.

Starting the conversation

Approaching the topic of elder care support requires sensitivity and respect. Choose a relaxed, private moment to describe your observations, using “I” statements, rather than accusatory ones. For example: “I noticed the stairs seem difficult for you lately,” instead of “You can’t handle the stairs anymore.”

Let your parent do more of the talking; listen to their feelings and desires. Frame the conversation around enhancing independence rather than taking it away. For example, you could suggest that help with heavy housework would give them more time for other activities that bring them joy and fulfillment.

Assessing care needs

Every parent’s situation is unique, and senior caregiving should be tailored to specific needs. In assessing your parent’s situation, consider these basic elder care needs:

• Health and medical needs: Providing medications and managing treatment of ongoing health conditions, as well as coordinating with healthcare providers.
• Daily living activities: Helping with personal care, meal preparation, housekeeping, and transportation.
• Home safety: Making home modifications like grab bars, improved lighting, and medical alert systems to enhance security and safety.
• Social and emotional well-being: Offering opportunities for meaningful social activities and connection with others.
• Financial and legal affairs: Arranging bill payments, dealing with insurance matters, and planning future financial needs.

A geriatric care professional can provide a more personalized assessment of your parent’s needs and help coordinate services.

Understanding senior caregiving options

Based on your parent’s needs, preferences, and financial situation, several caregiving arrangements might be appropriate. Those may include:

• Family caregiving: This is where you or other family members provide direct care, ranging from occasional assistance to full-time support.
• In-home services: Services are provided by professional caregivers, home health aides, meal delivery, or housekeeping services. This may allow your parent to remain at home with additional support.
• Adult day programs: These are places that offer social activities, meals, and some health services during daytime hours while allowing your parent to continue living at home.
• Senior living communities: These range from independent living apartments with minimal services to assisted living facilities that offer meals, housekeeping, and personal care assistance.
• Nursing homes: These are facilities that provide 24-hour skilled nursing care for those with significant medical needs.

Essential family caregiver tips

If you become a primary caregiver for an aging parent, these tips can help you maintain balance and avoid burnout.

• Set realistic expectations about what you can provide and be willing to accept help from others.
• Take care of your own health through proper nutrition, exercise, and regular medical check-ups.
• Schedule some “me time” by asking for help so you can leave the house. Go out, have some fun, maybe see a movie–do something that makes you feel better. Even a quick break during a hectic day, perhaps a five-minute walk, can help restore energy and focus.
• Join a support group to connect with others facing similar challenges.
• Learn about resources in your community, such as respite care and transportation services, and how they can support your unique situation.

Financial considerations

The costs of elder care can be substantial, but putting together a financial plan before things decline helps. There are also several ways to lessen the financial strain of senior care. Here are a few:

• Long-term care insurance can help cover the costs of in-home care, assisted living, or nursing home care for your parents. Long-term care insurance is one of the most flexible and straightforward options for extended care and assistance without having to bear the entire cost yourself.
• Medicare covers some short-term care needs but rarely pays for long-term care.¹ Understanding the coverage limitations is important when planning. Visit this Medicare coverage page for more on benefits and news on plan changes.
• Medicaid may cover long-term care costs for those with limited financial resources.² Remember, eligibility requirements vary by state.
• Veteran’s benefits may be a viable option if you are a veteran or the spouse of a veteran. You can receive elder care at VA facilities, such as nursing homes, or through community-based programs.
• Life insurance policies can offer several financial benefits, like an accelerated death benefit or a cash value component, to help fund elder care expenses. Whole life insurance provides lifelong protection and may include final expense coverage. It also has a cash value component that you can use to cover other expenses. Keep in mind using the cash value will reduce the death benefit.

Planning for future needs

It’s crucial to address current needs, but planning for the future is equally vital when caring for aging parents. Discuss your parent’s preferences for housing, healthcare, and end-of-life care while they’re still able to contribute to these decisions.

Remember to review these legal documents as part of your planning and conversations:

• Durable power of attorney for finances
• Healthcare power of attorney
• Living will
• HIPAA authorization forms
• Updated will or trust.

Having these documents prepared before a crisis occurs allows for smoother transitions and ensures your parent’s wishes are honored.

Building a support network

Remember that you don’t have to manage everything alone. Creating a team approach often leads to better care and less stress:

• Involve siblings and other family members, dividing responsibilities based on each person’s abilities.
• Tap into community resources like Area Agencies on Aging for local services.
• Consider professional support from geriatric care professionals or elder law attorneys.
• Use technology for medication reminders, video check-ins, or emergency response systems.

Finding joy in the journey

Amid the challenges of caregiving, look for opportunities to deepen your relationship with your aging parent. Share family stories, create new traditions that accommodate current abilities, and celebrate small moments together.

With thoughtful planning, open communication, and support, this phase of life can bring meaningful connection and peace of mind to the entire family. Mutual of Omaha offers a wide range of resources on health and aging to help you live well and on your own terms.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q1: Can you pay yourself for caring for an elderly parent?

Yes, as long as everyone agrees. You can create a Personal Care Agreement that spells out formal payment arrangements. The payment should cover future care, not past services. Also, compensation must be reasonable. It shouldn’t exceed what a third-party caregiver would charge for the same care in your area.

Q2: What’s the difference between home care and home health care?

Home care provides non-medical assistance with daily activities, while home health care delivers medical services often prescribed by a doctor and sometimes covered by insurance.

Q3: How much would it cost to get long-term care insurance for my aging parents?

The cost depends on your parents’ location, age, health, policy type, and any extra features or benefits. You can use this calculator to estimate what you might pay for a policy.

Disclosure:

Registered Representatives offer securities through Mutual of Omaha Investor Services, Inc., Member FINRA/SIPC. Investment Advisor Representatives offer advisory services through Mutual of Omaha Investor Services, Inc.

Mutual of Omaha and its representatives do not provide tax and/or legal advice, and the information provided herein is general in nature and should not be considered tax and/or legal advice.

Not all Mutual of Omaha agents are registered representatives or financial advisors.

Sources

1. gov, Welcome to Medicare
2. gov, Medicaid

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