How to Strive for Happily Ever After

Your relationship with your spouse, life partner or long-term boyfriend or girlfriend may be your life's most challenging and rewarding relationship.

Your closest relationships may have many peaks and, unfortunately, just as many valleys. Be assured, though, that your situation, in a broad sense, is almost universal.

Experts say one-half to three-quarters of all couples' conflicts simply cannot be fully resolved.

According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, many conflicts can't be resolved because they're saddled with unaddressed hidden agendas that involve basic, core philosophical issues central to each person's sense of meaning and purpose, goals, cultural legacy, philosophy or values.

For example, a couple arguing about their budget may really be talking about the veiled myriad meanings of money such as love, freedom, charity, justice, personal power, security and trust. But these conflicts don't get resolved because, according to Gottman, neither partner is making the relationship safe enough for these core issues to emerge.

Gottman has identified seven principles that can help effectively repair injured relationships. Please consult the many Internet resources available on Gottman's work for further explanation of the following seven concepts.

1. "Love maps" are roadmaps of your partner's world (their struggles, aspirations, etc.) that let each of you know you are known
2. Nurture fondness and admiration for each other
3. Turn toward each other rather than turning away
4. Let your partner influence you by hearing and acting on his or her feedback
5. Solve problems by identifying and collaborating versus rehashing issues without progress
6. Overcome gridlock
7. Create shared meaning to work together toward mutual goals